25 January 2025
You were a Famous X, Y, or Z Person; you were beautiful; you were the best; you were on Top of the World, &then you 'aged-out,' so we retired you to the Pastures of Social Media [good thing you 'cultivated' *barf* a 'following' while still famous, phew!], &from there, you may remain 'relevant' to the 'masses,' &continue to live off our attention, &you need our attention, not only for your Ego's own sake but also, for the sake of your own financial well being, &that's just like so gross, &sad; it's also how we know that you're bad with money. You were Rich, because you were Famous [we saw the mansions!]! &yet, here you are, debasing yourself for money, on the internet. Why? You have to; you need the money. *frowny face*
21 January 2025
Sailor's Log Law School Application | Heavy-Holiday Weeks Ten&Eleven, Prep-Week Twelve, &Test Week Thirteen, &when I lament to the bodybuddy/lifemate wondering, 'Why am I such a late bloomer?!?' the bodybuddy/lifemate responds, 'You're not a late bloomer. You're blooming again. You bloomed early, remember, everyone saw &wanted a piece of you, &you were like, "No. Nobody gets this bloom," dropped your petals &traveled the world.'
The last log ended near the beginning of Week Ten, and we are now at the beginning of Week Fourteen.
Weeks Ten and Eleven saw job-heavy demands. My job revolves around a weekly set of events, and since the week of christmas landed on a typical ad-day, the ad-day was moved from Wednesday to Thursday, my study day. The bodybuddy/lifemate&i worked the week of christmas together (he had tuesday off, like usual, and i took tuesday off, and he added a day, so we both jobbed a four-day week that week, and with the way that our pay works for holidays, we got some monstrous paychecks for that week of jobbing). Anyway, there's nothing terribly notable during this week since I had to fit in studying whenever I could, which was on Tuesday (xmas eve) and the weekend. Week Eleven was similar in that Wednesday was New Year's Day, and apparently, New Year's is not a holiday that an employee can demand to have off, and so, since the ad-change happened on New Year's Day, I had to job. The first ad-change of every month is also the most enormous ad-change of the month, and the first ad-change of the year is the most enormous of all of the enormous ad-changes. Not only that, I was down a person for that most-enormous ad-change day. Thus, the bodybuddy/lifemate&i worked our little asses off, and he got some overtime. Again, another monstrous check, very little time to fit in studying, but fit it in I did.
Week Eleven was also when I took a third full practice test in exam mode. I got the same exact score, again, for a second time (test two saw a one-point drop). The odd thing about this one, however, is that my raw score (the number of questions i answered correctly) was one point fewer than the other two practice tests. I also finished up most of the lessons. I left myself a handful of lessons and a handful of drills for Test Week, and by the time Week Twelve rolled around, I was focused solely on the argumentative writing portion of the test.
Week Twelve was when the argumentative writing portion of the test became available, and so, I ran through the ONE practice test available on LawHub on the first day of Week Twelve. This portion of the test is not-scored, and so, the practice also left me with little to no sense of how "well" I did, but by doing the practice, I familiarized myself with what was going to happen when I sat down to complete this writing sample, and so, from my point of view, it seems to me as if LawHub (and thereby LSAC) is/was communicating to me that the one practice "test" is all one needs to get the gist of this portion of the test, etc. The argumentative writing, or writing sample, portion of the LSAT is very straightforward, but it is also very open-ended. In my mind, there is little to nothing a person can do to prepare for the writing sample in a few weeks. The point, in my opinion, is to find out how much time a prospective law student spends writing. If one spends a lot of time writing, this portion ought to be a breeze, theoretically. If one does not spend a lot of time writing, this reality will be utterly apparent, etc. I, obviously, spend a lot of time writing, and so, I was not nervous or worried about writing a writing sample.
All of Week Twelve's mind-space was filled with focusing on writing. I didn't work any LSAT drills or lessons. I rested my mind as much as I could, worked it in different ways, namely ways that were not-writing, and I discussed various strategies for the writing sample with the bodybuddy/lifemate. We threw a few ideas around, but ultimately, I decided that writing is, quite literally, something I do every single day. There's really nothing more that I can do to prepare. So the focus became about clarity. I really needed to make sure that I didn't just ramble, like usual. I needed to make a point and then support it. If, like I oftentimes do, I come to some different conclusion than the initial statement I make at the opening of the argument, then I really needed to remember to go back to the opening paragraph and make sure I word the conclusion in the same way that I eventually conclude, etc.
In essence, do my thing, but then make sure the opening conclusion and my final conclusion match.
The most difficult part of this portion of the LSAT, for me, was finding an approved space. I knew my apartment would not be an approved space, and so, we started searching for a coworking space around town, and we toured a place all the way back in Week 8. After fretting for a few weeks, I outlined my plan for what would become Test Week, Week Thirteen. I had to also juggle my jobbing schedule to create this plan, but sure enough, a plan surfaced, and I went with it.
We booked a day pass for the first day of Week Thirteen (sunday), and on that day, we went to the place, and I completed and submitted my writing sample. The next day (monday), I was notified that my writing sample was approved by LSAC, which means that the space that we booked was an approved space for the argumentative writing portion of the January 2025 LSAT, just fyi, and near the end of Week Thirteen, I would sit for the LSAT at an in-person testing center. [added 22jan25 ... the bodybuddy/lifemate reminded me of the thing that happened the morning of the argumentative writing, when we were deciding whether or not i should wear my glasses. we decided that i should wear my contacts, because it's just one less thing to think about, &then, i decided that i'd open a new pair of contacts. it was the perfect decision, except that i already had my "eyes" in, &so, when i went to put in my new pair, i put them on on top of the pair i had already put in for the day, &when i blinked, i could hardly see at all. i freaked the fuck out. i couldn't figure out what was happening; i even opened another right lens. eventually, i took them out, &was shocked when i could see, &it was at this moment that the bodybuddy/lifemate sat me down for some breathing exercises before we trotted off to the coworking space where i would write my writing sample.]
Monday I studied for most of the night, reverting my mind back to the LSAT, and then, near the end of the bodybuddy/lifemate's shift, I walked to the job and jobbed about ninety minutes (I have managerial duties that I didn't want to push onto my deputy if I didn't have to), and then we left together. That morning we had planned on doing a dry run of the walk to the testing center, but we also wanted to swing by the beach, and after walking the beach, we were too relaxed to do the full walk, so we walked to a grocery store that's about halfway to the testing center, bought up some charcuterie stuffs and headed back home.
Tuesday I finished up all of the lessons on LawHub, and around 0600 (inching closer and closer to Test Day's test time), I took my fourth and final full practice test in exam mode. For all of the first three practice tests (all taken in exam mode), I got the same score (not the exact same score: the first test i got a score, the second test i got a score one point lower than the first test and then the third test was the exact same score as the first test) despite having three different raw scores. For the fourth test, I finally answered four more questions correctly than my best raw score and had a score three points higher than my past top score. After taking that final practice test, we did a dry run of the walk to the testing center. Took us about an hour. We found the building, found the suite, and found the nearest bathroom. The bathroom was locked, so then we knew that would be the only thing I'd need to find out on Test Day (along with the question about pencils).
Wednesday I took a little break from studying because I had to go to my fucking job. My job duties include something called ad-day, and Wednesday is ad-day. The job load of ad-day is such that I have to schedule between two and four extra grocery clerks to help out. And so, I don't like to leave my team hanging, so I went in to help out, and they all looked at me like I was crazy. I quickly realized that they are more than capable of handling an ad-day without me. And now I know this for a fact, and now I will take a vacation soon. So it was a short day. I was able to get in and out of there in a half shift, and I am glad that I went in, cause even though it was manageable for my team, I still worked four hours. They were all going to finish early, so if I hadn't shown up, they would've simply used up all their time doing ad-stuff, but instead, they probably had to go back to grocery for a few hours at the end of their shifts, which totally sucks. So, sorry?
Thursday was LSAT Eve. The bodybuddy/lifemate and I went for our run loop on the beach, and it was fantastic. We made and ate an enormous, delicious salad. Actually, we ate really well for the entire week of Test Week (all part of the plan). It's exhausting to live your best life, lemme tell ya. You have to eat well, drink plenty of water, get lots of rest, exercise, stretch, breathe, stay focused and diligent, etc., etc., etc. We were able to keep up the necessary diligence for the week and so, ate well, slept well, etc., etc., etc. The other thing we had to do was slowly creep later and later into the day. I scheduled the earliest possible test time, 0800. Ideally, I would've tested at 0300, but that wasn't an option unless I wanted to test remotely, which I did not, so, 0800 it was. As a night-jobber, my day ends around 0700, which means that if you're a day-walker, imagine working your whole shift and then taking the LSAT at 2000. On the Friday the week before, we began staying up as late as possible. By the time Thursday rolled around, I was up until about 1500. Earlier in the morning, around 0800, I completed the last of the drills on LawHub. I saved myself four short drills to do on this day, the day before the LSAT. I performed as expected on the first three ... now a few more than a few more than half. Feeling good. Right on track. Solid. Consistent. And then, I finished the fourth, last drill of all of the drills, and submitted my answers. "Oh my god," I whisper shouted at my computer, the bodybuddy/lifemate in the kitchen, "What! What's wrong?" "I just finished my last drill. Like, my last last drill," I shout. "Yea, and?" he asks. "I only missed one."
Friday was Test Day. We walked out to the testing center, and I took the January 2025 LSAT. I had absolutely no idea how I might've done as I was exiting the testing center. When I found the bodybuddy/lifemate in the building's lobby, the first thing I told him was that the first part seemed too hard and the last part seemed too easy. I had no idea how I did. Then we walked home. I was wired. I was too tired to go out or celebrate or do anything, so we just chilled at home, but I was wired. I had ramped my mind into fifth gear (a gear my brain hasn't seen in well over a decade), and it was taking a long time to come down. I ended up finally passing out at some point in the early afternoon, but then ultimately did not sleep well. On Friday night, I woke up to be at my job by midnight.
Saturday was a blur. I jobbed a half shift, and felt like I had been beaten to a pulp. I have no idea why my physical body felt so beat up. My brain was, obviously, complete mush, but that was to be expected. Why my body also felt so physically beaten was beyond me. That night, I finally got the sleep that I wanted, and I woke up sometime around midnight on Sunday.
Sunday was the first day of Week Fourteen.
Another notable thing happened before Test Day. LSAC is the service that verifies all of your credentials, and then, once verified, all of your credentials are made available as a report that can be sent to whatever school(s) you apply to, etc. The various credentials that are verified are your transcripts, letters of recommendation, and the LSAT (including the writing sample). The first thing I did was have my transcripts verified. All three were approved the week I officially joined LSAC, and it was a breeze of a streamlined process. I also submitted my two letter writers that same week. I reached out to a past professor before officially beginning the process (decisions), and amazingly enough, he said that he'd do it. My current boss was Letter Two. My boss submitted his letter all the way back in Week 4. Around Thanksgiving I thought of a third letter writer, because I was feeling nervous about Letter One, my past professor, and so I emailed the person I thought of for Letter Three. He also said that he was willing and able, and then a bit of communication got mixed, but then it got worked out, and he submitted Letter Three at the beginning of Week Twelve. I had to let Letter One go. I was starting to stress and felt like it just might not happen. I pushed it from my mind. After I take the test, I thought to myself, next Monday, I'll email my professor again.
Come LSAT Eve, I check my email to make sure I have all of the information I need for LSAT Day, and sitting right at the top of my inbox is an email from LSAC confirming their receipt of Letter One. I cried. I only need two letters to apply (the school accepts up to three), and so, my third letter writer had already settled all of my nerves about the letters, in general, but now, I have three letters. I have one professional letter, one academic letter and one letter that has nothing to do with either of those things.
On LSAT Eve, everything processed by the LSAC process was completed except the only part that was all on me. And now, I am completely finished with the LSAC process. Obviously, something could "go wrong" with the test or whatnot, but as far as I know, I did it. It's done. All there is left to do is to answer a handful of questions on the school's specific application and tap out a resume *barf* I fucking hate writing resumes. Ugh.
19 January 2025
She cheated; she did the work and studied!*
I had other plans for this writing today, but then, I woke up consumed with the "event" that happened to me literally seconds before I stepped into a secured testing room to take the January 2025 LSAT.
I know how this whole thing is going to sound if you're White, Woke-white, and Not-White. Mostly, it will sound like an excuse, some "out" for whatever my test score ends up being. I will not know my test score until the score is released on the release date, at which point the school I hope to attend will also know. Thus, at this time, I do not know my LSAT score. I have no idea what it even might be. And so, my telling of this story is not intended as an excuse for whatever outcome comes. My relaying of the thing that happened to me is for everyone out there who looks just like me, namely, youngish (under forty, although, I am only barely under forty), asian, female, women, living in These United States. And if you think that I'm somehow happy to have had this experience to write about and share to this fucking website, please, as kindly as you can to yourself, GO FUCK YOURSELF.
What happened to me, literally, as I was walking to be wanded (metal-detected) before entering a secured testing facility to take the January 2025 LSAT was a microaggression brought upon me by the ONLY WHITE WOMAN OVER THE AGE OF THIRTY IN THE ENTIRE FACILITY. To be fair, she looked totally torn up about the situation after it was realized. Nevertheless, the thing happened, and then I walked into a secured testing facility and took the LSAT.
First off, if you've never tested in a testing facility, then you're going to have to use your imagination. If you have tested in a testing facility, then you're probably familiar with the testing-proctor Prometric. We, the bodybuddy/lifemate&i, were familiar with Prometric, because the bodybuddy/lifemate, back during the happy-covid times, took the CFA Level 1 test at a Prometric testing center in Longmont. He described it to me back then, and we never thought of it again, until, literally, two months ago when I started all this nonsense.
I was excited that I could take the test in-person at a testing facility. I knew what to expect, and I was prepared.
The thing about these testing facilities is security. They MUST be able to assure their clients that all of these tests are taken by the people who say they are taking it, that nobody cheated, etc., etc., etc. And so, everyone checks in with an ID, signs stuff, and is assigned a locker. I was the first person to check in that day (even after going to the bathroom before checking in), and the older white woman was the first person I saw, and then a younger asian-looking woman saw me and walked toward the check-in desk. I'm not going to lie, I felt an immense feeling of relief. I informed her that I was taking the LSAT but wondered if I could use the bathroom really quick before I check in. The younger asian woman smiled at me, and said, of course. I did not have to enter the secured area of the testing facility to use the bathroom.
We don't have a car. We could've used the bus system, easily, but I walk my ass to my job every night, and it wakes me the fuck up, so we walked. We walked to the testing center from our apartment. We walked for about an hour. I had to pee real bad. I was nervous as fuck, and I had a plan for test week, and we were following the plan. I had a plan for Test Day, and we were following the plan. We even knew that we'd arrive at Menstruation Station on Test Day. (I went to bed last night thinking that I was going to write a whole post about the final weeks leading up to Test Day, and detail every day of test week, but then I woke up needing to write about this, and so, that post will have to wait, but it will be written.)
I had to pee, and I just had to start late. Please! For the love of Ladybug, please just let this be a cycle that starts LATE! Or EARLY! Just, like, please not on time. PLEASE! Come Test Day, I hadn't started, and luckily, I did not start that day. I share this because I find GenZ to be inspiring in this way. I also share to really flesh out the full complexity of my mind-state as I sat for the fucking January 2025 LSAT! Fuck! How we can even hope to compare the test scores of men and women is fucking laughable to me! Fuck you!
Anyway, everything was going great, in that department. I peed, then checked in.
Like I said, I saw the white lady, and I couldn't pinpoint her purpose, so I pushed her from my mind, like everyone else in the facility, and prepared myself for the test.
Fifteen minutes before test time, I went to the bathroom one last time. I really didn't want to have to go during the test, obviously. So, I went one last time, composed myself, and got in line to be wanded. As I was walking to get in line, the white lady approached me, and said something to the effect of, "Oh, hi, so I will be your proctor today, and you've got this nice private room all to yourself." My mind was in fifth gear. I was mentally prepared to take the fucking LSAT. I saw everything, and the first thing I saw was the paper in her hand, and I caught a glimpse of the name on the sheet of paper. I told the white lady, "Oh, I'm not taking a paper test," to which she responded, "Oh, I know." And then I knew this white lady was confused. I immediately removed her from my mind as the young asian woman called me in to get wanded. The white lady followed next to me and the young asian woman said, "Oh, no, this isn't her." The white lady looked horrified, and I was in no state to console her. I brushed off the entirety of the situation as the young asian woman walked me through the rest of the process, and then through the doors into the secure testing room, where she showed me my desk, and told me what to do.
&then, I took the fucking January 2025 LSAT.
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| Greatness is not a flex Being Great is Who You Are |
If you have no idea what I went through this day, consider yourself white, of some variety. The reason, from my perspective, the interaction is considered a microaggression is because, sure, maybe the white lady mixes up all people. Maybe she's just old and she mixes up white people, too, and sure, white people do get mixed up, but it's not a joke like it is to mix up asian people. It's true. We do all look alike, IF YOU DO NOT KNOW MORE THAN ONE ASIAN.
Here's the thing: I fucking live in fucking Honolulu, Hawai'i. Hawai'i is a state with a population that is MAJORITY ASIAN, and the ONE WHITE LADY OVER THE AGE OF THIRTY that I had to interact with on this day mixed me up with another asian. The only solace I've been able to find is in the fact that I glimpsed the name on the paper, and the person in question is a korean woman, or at least, a woman of korean descent. (i didn't see the first name, and since we all checked-in in an area where we could easily overhear each other's names, i do not feel that it's an issue that i saw her last name.) Also, fun fact, I saw about a dozen other test takers that day. Two were male asians, and one was a white female. ALL OTHERS WERE ASIAN WOMEN UNDER FORTY; my comrades in arms!
White people are relentless!
Even in a state with a majority asian population, whiteness can still attack us in the most unlikely of ways.
In the end, I feel no spiteful feelings toward that white lady. She looked so distraught the other couple times I saw her throughout the test, and she was smart enough not to open her mouth at me, even though she was staring. I could feel her sending me good vibes, so that was alright. She wasn't trying to tear me down or sabotage me. I'd be a complete narcissist if I thought that. I also wouldn't have been able to push her from my mind so effectively if I thought she was personally attacking me. Her problems have nothing to do with me. I'm just collateral damage of her whiteness. Par for the course. I also have no desire to report her in any official way, because it's possible that she helped me out by lighting me on fire.
This is all rumination after the fact.
She reminded me why I was there. She represented everything that I'm fighting against and for all at the same time. She forced me to remember why I was even doing this.
I'm joining the fight.
And honestly, I think I'm going to Rule the World some day.
*it is my hope, my one true wish, that if you are a hot, high-achieving asian female who grew up in america, you maybe have not heard these exact words accusing you of your greatness, but you have experienced and do understand words that have induced this analogous feeling, and if my hope and wish is true, then i'm here to remind you that fulfilling your greatness is not some flex or brag, it is you being YOU, and it is my opinion that if someone doesn't like this or has to tear you down, they're proving you correct, and no, nobody really gets to go along with you, but we will all hopefully find each other along the way or at our pinnacles. *sail on*
[end note added 22jan25] i woke up this night with the realization about what the most annoying thing about this old white lady is/was, and that annoying thing is that ALL of this could've been respectfully avoided if she had just fucking verified by identity, but that is not the White-Way, for the White-Way is paved by Supremacy and the idea that being White makes you "all-knowing" *vomits*
18 January 2025
re January 2025 LSAT (law school admission test) Eve &the DAY-OF (after the fact) #sailorsphlog
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| this was me minutes after finishing the January 2025 LSAT in-person at a testing center i was totally shook immediately after the test so the bodybuddy/lifemate gently pushed me through 파리바게뜨 where we got some stuff &then we looped back around to the front courtyard-esque area in front of the building in which i took the January 2025 LSAT &this is how i felt at that moment &even as the bodybuddy/lifemate was trying to "turn that frown upside-down" he snapped this pic &i am so happy i love this portrait of myself it's perfect for reasons that i will eventually cover in a sailor's log post that i will hopefully have the energy for in the very-near future *peace* |
12 January 2025
LSAT Part One: Done
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| there are two parts to the LSAT &there are explicit guidelines about how one ought not share any detailed information about this portion of the test (or any portion of the test, really) &so, i shan't &since i'm not entirely sure where the line is i've decided not to share anything at all aside from these pics i snapped when it was all said &done #sundayfunday [updated 14jan25 | this portion of the LSAT has been approved as of 13jan25] |
11 January 2025
&the musubi, too loosely strapped in by its nori, slips off its spam in joyful delight that it will not, in fact, be food, today *cheers*
"No, you don't understand. It's not that she was being mean, she was being bitchy," she explains.
Ladybug looks at me with its annoyed face, then returns its attention to her and shrugs, "Explain to me the difference."
She takes a deep breath in, annoyed, as usual, "The difference is when a woman is being mean to you, you did something to her or whatever. When a woman is being bitchy, that's on her. She's being a bitch at you for reasons of her own that may or may not have anything to do with you."
Ladybug considers this with a rub of its chin, "Sure. So, she was being bitchy?"
"Yes!" she hollers, and then, "She was being all agro at me whenever we would have to interact, which was nearly every day, but then"
Ladybug cuts her off, "Wait, wait, wait just a minute. What the fuck is ag-grow?"
"Ugh," she eye-rolls, like I said, annoyed, as usual, "It's like when someone is being all aggressive, too aggressive or like aggressive in a situation that doesn't require any aggression."
Ladybug nods, "Okay, sure, yes, she was being a bitchy agro."
"No, Lady," she sighs, "Ugh. Okay, whatever, yes, she was being all bitchy and agro."
Ladybug claps its two top feet together and rubs them together in feigned delight, "Okay!"
"No, this is a sad story," she throws her head back in anguish, annoyed, "Whatever. Just like, stop interrupting."
Ladybug agrees with the motion of locking its mouth shut and throwing away the key.
She takes a deep breath in, "She used to be all bitchy at me and all agro whenever we would interact. We don't have to interact much, maybe just like once or twice in passing and not every day."
Ladybug looks confused and looks like its about to say something when ...
"Don't!"
Ladybug sits back on its haunches and tries to hold an air of nonchalance, then flicks me a look of nastiness, "I am not being nasty, Lingerer!"
"Forget it," she stands to leave.
Ladybug deploys its wings and positions itself right in front of her face, "Nooooooo. Tell us the story. Please. Just tell us!"
"Then shut the fuck up! Both of you!," she shouts.
Ladybug is taken aback, "But ..."
"I know! Just stop it!" she demands.
a breeze blows by ever so softly &on the air rides the tale
She didn't even know this lady; she had never even officially met her, but it was obvious that the lady had an opinion of her. "If the lady is just like this," she thinks, "then she's one seriously miserable cunt." She obviously didn't know what she had done to cause such treatment by a lady she didn't know or even have to interact with much outside of a few pleasantries as co-jobbers. Their job paths didn't cross, and their positions were unaffected by whomever's rank/seniority, etc. For one whole year this went on, the lady being bitchy, she being nice and confused. It's difficult to continue to be nice to someone in the face of their harshness, but the reality of the situation was that she hadn't done anything to this lady, and so, perhaps, this is simply the lady's demeanor, and she accepted this.
&then, another half of a year went by.
&then, the lady said the oddest thing to her, in passing, one early morning as she was signing off, the lady signing on, "Oh, I heard that you're Korean!" "Yes, I am Korean," she confirmed. "Oh, well, have a great day!"
&then, with an accent the lady smiled and chuckled, "안녕하세요! 감사합니다!"
She was, obviously, so confused, and for the next week or so, the lady was so nice and friendly and warm, and she was, obviously, fucking pissed, As a woman from the Philippines, the lady is now being so friendly to me because I'm Korean? What did the lady think I was before? And why, when being something else, was the lady such a bitch, but now that I'm Korean, she's being so nice?
&then, another week passed.
&then, one day while jobbing, the lady shouts over the noise at her, "Someone told me that you were Filipino and that you speak Tagalog."
She chuckles, "No, I'm Korean, and I don't speak Tagalog."
&now it's today, and she hasn't seen the lady again, yet, since the new piece of information was delivered, but some conclusions can absolutely be made, none of which bode well for the lady, so to your own imagination are you left with, today, dear reader.
02 January 2025
some shots of some studious shit
