03 October 2026

What's the worst that can happen?

Here's the thing about Matriarchy:
Matriarchy, like Patriarchy, means that the Women are in charge, which means that when we talk about rape and misogyny and the way in which men exert their power wholly over women, Matriarchy means that women exert their power wholly over men on an individual level and as an entire population of the females of humanity.

So when I read things online with the tone, "Men need to start taking it upon themselves to teach other men how not-to rape women," I want to throw up.

Men will always rape Women.

Men are larger.
Men are stronger.
Men are stupider.
Men are cowards.
Men are vile.

Even the most-educated men among us are still men with penises that rule over them and everything they do, think about and pursue.

In Matriarchy, men are not our protectors.
In Matriarchy, as a group, we Women are more than capable of protecting each other.
In Matriarchy, Women, as a whole, work together to both sniff out and eject these fuckers who think that their penises make them both "better" than women and "entitled" to our pussies.

In feminism:

WOMEN ARE THE RULERS OF WOMEN'S BODIES, TOGETHER, COLLECTIVELY, AS A WHOLE.

In feminism:

ALL WOMEN ARE THE WOMAN OF HUMANITY.

So don't fucking come around here finger-wagging about how it's somehow the responsibility of men to eradicate sex-crimes against Women.

The stats read as such: 1 in 4 Women have been victims of sexual abuse.

I'd argue that 100% of Women have experienced sexual intimidation, like Kim K and the way she described how, while being robbed, she was mentally preparing herself to be raped. She wasn't raped by her robbers (not to say she's never survived rape), but she thought she would be. This is what I am arguing has happened to 100% of ALL WOMEN, because it's happened to me, and I didn't tell anyone about it, because I wasn't raped, but I was sexually intimidated by a man that I trusted for years. 

I eventually told the bodybuddy/lifemate, not because I needed to get it off my chest, but because I realized that I'd never told anybody. It was certainly a traumatic moment, but I honestly didn't think it warranted a reaction to, like, destroy this man, but now, he absolutely acted against me in my worst interest, and now, I'm mulling whether or not to name him, explicitly.

I do not want to name him explicitly, because I have zero interest in ruining his life or anything, cause I do think that men are allowed to have less-than-savory thoughts, and since he didn't go through with it, I wasn't "harmed" so much as I learned a lot that day, for better and for worse.

Also, I don't want him to come after me, right? But ...

I absolutely want to name him explicitly, because I know how important it is to create a sort of "paper trail" about men who are terrible. If he made the move that he did against me, did he finally go through with it with another Woman? If he did, is it somehow my fault for not reporting him to the police? Are the police the people to whom I can report an event like this? Most police are men.

So, no, I wasn't robbed, and I have not survived sexual abuse.

I have, however, survived sexual intimidation, and yes, I feel 1,000% grateful that I have been surrounded by good men my whole life, and that yea, from my perspective, he's an outlier, but if every woman (half the world's human population) has experienced ONE OUTLIER, then he's not an outlier at all, he's rampant.

And here's what happened:

When I was nineteen, I was able to travel to Seoul for a foreign-language exchange program at a Korean university for international Korean adoptees. It was an amazing trip. I met a million people, and the entire program was sublime. And I met this guy, Mike, on this trip. He was mormon. He was a recruiter for Boeing. He traveled to college campuses all over the world to recruit for Boeing. I think that he was maybe in his mid-to-late twenties when we met. He was friendly to both me and a friend of mine and everyone around us.  And we connected through fbook. He kept tabs on me, and over the course of the next few years, he'd message me to see if me and the friend were available cause he was going to be in Denver, Boulder, wherever I was at that time. 

He, the friend and I all met up the first time in Denver together. He was in town visiting the University of Denver. We had a great time. He was respectful, fun, charming, you know, a classic, old-fashioned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, all-american boy. The three of us met up a few times in the Denver area, cause he came through the area every year, cause well, Colorado has some really good science-focused schools, etc.

He messaged me another time when he was in Boulder, visiting the University of Colorado, and I was attending CU at the time. The friend was not available, cause she'd moved to Seoul by this point, and so I called my mom and asked her what she thought about me going out alone with this guy. My mom (the adopted one) was thrilled at the prospect that he was "mormon, blonde, and all-american," cause that meant that he was more conservative, a religious guy, which meant that, in my mom's mind, he was "good."

So I took him up on his offer to meet up for lunch. It wasn't a date in my mind. He was older. Just a friend. Some guy I met internationally. And that's really fucked up, Lady. I'd interacted with him about a dozen times in a public setting and about half a dozen times in more-private settings. I felt safe enough to grab lunch, in the middle of the day, in a town where people knew me, I was expected to show up places, my neighbors knew my car, etc., etc., &c. 

I was safe.

We met at Whole Foods, cause I didn't want him to get the wrong impression by picking me up at my apartment, plus I lived alone, so I didn't really want anyone to know where I lived, in general. And that's all I remember until we were back in the Whole Foods parking lot, cause he was dropping me off after lunch. 

I do not remember where we went to lunch.
I do not remember what we talked about.
I remember nothing about that day except what happened when he dropped me off.
I don't even remember driving/parking/waiting in the parking lot before we went to lunch, but I know that I must have driven there and parked, cause that's where the event happened.

We were sitting in his truck. He was driving. I was in the front seat.
He parked the truck.
He started to get kinda weepy or weird or something. 
I couldn't put my finger on it.
He started wringing the steering wheel with his hands, and started saying stuff about how much he liked me.
I froze.
I felt like such an idiot for thinking that a man would want to spend time with me for any other reason than being with me, like all the way with me.
He started to look a little frustrated, so I made a move for the door to get out of the car.

He locked the door from his door.

I froze.

He started to pull out of the parking spot and drive away.

And all I remember thinking was, I'm going to die.

The next thing I remember was feeling the car stop at the stop sign at the end of the parking lot and hearing the door unlock, so I grabbed the handle as fast as I could, and I ran to my car. 

I drove home, and told no one.

And that's all I remember.

I never even told the friend about him, because Women friends have been difficult for me to find. That friend of mine liked Mike. I've had negative opinions about guys that my friends are dating, and let's just say, it never goes over well. There's a 100% chance that that friend would have interpreted my telling on him as some sort of brag, that he like likes me, which means he doesn't like her, and there's a 100% chance that she would read this situation like a cunt instead of a Woman friend, cause I've known enough women to know that there are truly so few of us Women out there that these sexual predators keep getting away with shit, because Women do not believe each other.

When we (the bodybuddy/lifemate&i) were living in Longmont, Colorado, USA, we had moved there so that I could attend the Leadership Longmont program for entrepreneurs, etc., etc., etc. The program began in January 2020, so yea, it ended around the end of February, about three months early, lol. Anyway, during one of the first meetings, some idiot for a man was the opening speaker for the day, etc. He started off by setting up a metaphor about people's pain being stored in a file cabinet, that when you're younger, your file cabinet is empty, and as he did this, he pointed to the two high-school seniors, one young Woman, one boy (two of the best young minds in the area were invited to be part of this "adult" business thing), and used them as examples about how they don't have much in their file cabinets, cause they're young. The young woman's face contorted, as did mine, when this idiot of a man opened his mouth. I experienced my trauma at the age of three. My file cabinet was full to the brim before I even knew how to feed myself. So I raised my hand. 

The idiot of a man was thrilled at my participation and called on me. I put my hand down and said, "You have no idea what sort of pain or trauma any person may have experienced, and it makes absolutely no sense that just because you're younger, you've experienced less trauma. Don't assume that they (motioning to the students) don't have as much pain as us just because they're young." He didn't know what to say, and he bumbled his way through the rest of his spiel, sweating, uncomfortable, unable to use the metaphor he'd so "brilliantly" crafted for his presentation, and it was hilarious. 

At the end of the thing that day, the young woman high-school senior approached me. I was thrilled. She walked right up to me even though I could tell she was a bit shy and maybe a bit afraid. She looked at me teary eyed and said, "Thank you for sticking up for me." I smiled, put a hand on her shoulder and said, "I was sticking up for myself, but I'm so happy that my shield protected you, too," and I walked away. She never interacted with me again, directly, but we always smiled and nodded when we saw each other.

It doesn't matter to me if she never thinks of me again. What matters to me is that she was not alone that day in the eyes of that man. She had an ally, and that ally was me. Whether or not she looked weak in the eyes of that man no longer matters, because a Strong-Ass Woman is behind her. She is not alone in his eyes. He is not seeing her as one-to-one. He now knows that it is Two against his meager one. I wasn't standing up for her to see me. I was standing up for HIM to see me. And the message was clear, "BACK THE FUCK UP. She is not weak, and SHE IS NOT ALONE!"



And Elitist Cunts, like Anna Wintour, believe that only White women deserve Matriarchal protection, and some White women live to uphold the Patriarchy, like Ghislaine Maxwell, and they are the Enemy of Women, and so we also need to rid the world of these types of women.

01 October 2026

[ephwhyell] OCTEMBER | The Ember 2026


[ephwhyell | The Embers]

Octember delivers The Ace of Pentacles

2026 OCTOBER | The ME Issue
[main header image, black&white vertical]

&below
[L] square
[R] horizontal







The 2026 ME-ME-ME Issue:

(not-inclusive and not limited to)

  • Ember 무비
  • Sun-Dried Fungi
  • Two-Point-Oh-Oh-Orrery [built for desktop, if it's shit on mobile #dontknowdontcare]
  • 2-2 Town
    • for girls [a friend's kids]
    • for women [me &the friend]
  • Professional "Poopy Pants"
  • "ME-ME-ME"
    • The Ace of Pentacles (i was picking up on a sort of "The Star—Reversal" [not to be confused with Reversed] yesterday and this morning, and i even turned my instant-camera pic of The Star card upside-down, and then, the Ace of Pentacles came up as my last card during my first full-deck, six-card reading *sighs*
    • if you were receiving a lot of love from me
    • all that energy is going to be pointed back at me
  • 10/10
  • Another [Magically-] Miserable Day in Paradise
  • &c.



&i obviously do not mean those who do not give back "to me"!
cause i'm quite content with my circle
what i mean
generally
are those types who are not participating in this thing called life
those who bicker about how much they're owed
etc.
those who think that life is for the getting
i'm over y'all.





&in full color

^..^

Happy Octember!




23 September 2026

Sun's Silly Psychic Set or Tiffany's Tabletop Tarot Tapestry or A Methodological Map of Magical Mystery | An Infinite Jest


yes, i have a methodology
&yes
this is the very first card i pulled for myself for my very first reading of myself
wherein i instantiated the parameters to reveal exactly ONE CARD
*thefuck*

&no
my very first reading was not a reading of myself
*eyeroll*

&no
this is obviously nota-picture from the reading
*double-eyeroll*

for my second reading of myself (a full six-card reading, days later, &i will not map out my methodology for this reading):
The Star
my obstacle:
The Queen of Cups

i wish i were making this shit up, ya'll
but i am not.
*weeps*
[&again, the photos of my readings are never going to be from the day i read them]

there are as many ways to interpret all of these things
as there are human individuals
what i do know
for a fact
is this is women's work
it always has been
&as a former student of art history
you better fucking believe how fucking fucking fucking fucking pissed i was
when i realized
that not a single fucking fucking fucking lick of this type of art/imagery
was ever presented to us
as students
&if it was somehow mentioned in some curriculum
or blown past in a general historical study
&i missed it
this was by design
if you understand what all of this even is
or means

[the thread is looking a little blue,
but it is not,
i drew blue chalk lines, so it might be a minute 'til it wears off]



Sun's Silly Psychic Set

&yes
i will happily make a sort of "map" for fellow practitioners
but it will not be a tapestry
it will simply be a sort of BASIC MAP
constructed merely of zodiac-printed fabric
&backed/trimmed in purple
you will essentially receive the middle piece of this tapestry
square
purple around all four edges
an X through the middle stitched in white
&a golden square within

*drool*

i have created this tapestry for myself
for my own use
because every seer ought to do the same
for themselves
imho
perhaps it's not necessary to make the thing with your own hands
but maybe it is
again
my methodology is my own
&i have my own philosophical word-work on Time
&traveling through it
lol
[read site description]

&no
i will not be sharing my mapping methodology
but this tapestry is seeped in my methodology:
the colors
the pattern
the stitching
&the thread color itself
have all been considered
&so
if you are a seer yourself
you will probably be able to intuit my interpretation
on a general level
if not specifically
lol

&yes
that is the buddha bucket bag
&no
i had absolutely zero conception of using this bag in this way

^..^

i'm flying by the seat of my cups
like i always have
lol









when i finished my green goddess skirt on monday
i immediately needed jade
*weeps*
i've been needing to replace my jade cuff
from a million years ago
cause it broke
but i do not force the issue
but then on monday
while gliding around in the skirt
like a Queen
i needed my new jade
bad
so we went to where we go to obtain these sorts of things
&lo and behold
my jade finally found me
*weeps*
not only that
the lady at the shop
asked me if i wanted to size it down
cause "it looks big"
&i was thrilled
so i asked if i could keep the bead she removes
&she smiled and laughed, "of course"
&then she asked if there was a bead i had been eyeing to remove
&i told her, "i'll take it how it comes"
&when i got home
i was hemming and hawing about what to do with the "extra" bead
&when i was spooling a bobbin with the gold thread
that i top-stitched into my map
i knew exactly what to do with that bead of abundance
&you wanna hear the craziest thing?
before the jade i took home found me
i had found this other jade
&it was essentially one single bead
tiny
something to affix or adorn to something else
&i wanted it bad
&i thought i needed it
&i did
but then the jade i took home
found me
&so
not only did i get the one single bead i had initially needed so bad
i also got a whole bracelet of them
&now
my mannequin feels like an extension of me


i wore pearls from head to toe
with my prom dress.
all i wanted for my twenty-first birthday
was this string of pearls.
i couldn't settle on which stone to have as my wedding ring
so i'd been wearing a black-spinel band
for a little over a decade
until the day we realized
in late 2024
that one of the bodybuddy/lifemate's main birthstones
is pearl
&he surprised me with the ring
that i currently wear as my wedding ring
at the beginning of 2025
the year i'd turn forty
&everything
jewelry-wise
started to fall into place
^..^







does that green look familiar?
i did not have to buy one single thing to complete this set










KNOW THY SELF

As The [Jade {or King in certain languages}] Queen of Cups
I am The Star











[end note]
re: the deck
i would consider this the "generic" deck of Tarot
the owners of this particular deck's trademark &copyright
have every ramification of the names of the deck's creators/publisher on lock, ya'll
so, i call it the Pamela Colman Smith Deck
but i would have to "officially" call it the Smith-Waite Deck if i were to publish this as text that must be referenced, etc.
i have
obviously
decided to create my own deck
&this will hopefully be accomplished
before i die
lol

dear non-millennials:
if you want us to stop using "lol" at the end of our sentences
it is imperative that you know what "lol" even means
if your goal is to convince us to stop using it, lol.
i keep seeing things like, "alternatives for 'lol'"
&"convincing millennials that there are more emotions than 'lol' to evoke,"
etc.,
etc.,
&c.
here's the fundamental flaw with these types:
you are interpreting "lol" to literally mean "laugh out loud"
&this is why none of us, millennials, listen to you, non-millennials,
about anything.

19 September 2026

A Phriday Phortune Phlog


WHATASNACK!












this polish color was 75% off!
i've been need/wanting a good translucent nude-y color
&the one i bought recently is too opaque
&i currently only had the one nude nail polish
plus a super-cheap (read: bad) top coat
(ive been wearing nail stickers for the past few years)
but then the bodybuddy/lifemate got me that black for The Embers
&when i went out to grab a top coat
this sorta nude was on sale
&i had a hunch about it
maybe being the best nude
cause i could tell that the sauce is quite translucent
&so i knew that it wouldn't be like a creamsicle orange
despite the look of it
&when i flipped it over to read the name of the color
i pulled the trigger
w/my treat money
&bought it
&i was so totally right about it being a really good nude-y match for me
cause typically
nudes are too pink
&i hate that
never.the.less.
this is the last round of nude
cause once i go black
it's gonna be a long ride
*drool*






*city-mirror*

[in september]




the buddha bucket
has officially seen the light of day
*weeps*







blowing my allowance on books
feels right, y'all
^..^